An Update That is Not About Camping

Last week was “Golden Week,” a string of Japanese holidays that are conveniently clumped together so as to make a nice 5 day stretch of time off. These holidays include the Constitution Day, Boy’s Day, Showa Day, and Greenery Day.

Boys day is like Mother's Day, or Father's Day, I think. I’m not sure what the cutoff age for boy's day is, or even how it's celebrated outside of flying carp-shaped flags, but I do know that I received no calls or gifts for it, and for that you guys stink. Where is your international holiday awareness, people? Christmas shopping will be a breeze this year. You are all off my list.

Now, I was originally intending this update to be about my camping trip to an island off the Izu peninsula, but I was having slight problems with my financial management, in that I had no finances to manage. As a result, I have no island camping trip to update about. I would have used my magic "100% off" discount card, a.k.a emergency credit card, but since Japan is largely a cash-based society, most purchases, especially in remote areas, are resilient to my plastic voodoo. Instead, I went to Shizuoka city to see my friend Ken for a few days.

On Boy's Day Eve, we took a day trip to Gotenba, a city famous for something other than our intended destination; a huge outlet mall. We had foreseen the lack of recognition on our gender's celebrated day. If no one was going to give us presents on this most sacred of corporate-instigated holidays, we would buy our own.

When we finally reached the outlets, I had a brief moment of deja vu. At first glance, it felt as if we had just arrived at any outlet mall in the US, the layout and style of buildings had a strip mall feel reminiscent of Bubbafart, Texas. However, a few minutes at the mall quickly dispelled both the feeling and comparison. I don’t remember the San Marcos outlet mall being as upscale as Gotenba. I don’t remember a Versace store.. or... about a gajillion people in every nook and cranny.

As a large man with sizes that I can rarely find even in the US, I have always hated shopping for clothes, but it was Boy's Day Eve, and I was determined to get myself a "didnt go camping" consolation prize. One of our friends bought a Harry Potter Lego Tower at the super cool Lego store. I was feeling a bit more ambitious,I wanted try finding clothes. Maybe a part of me wanted to get depressed like I always do when I don’t fit into something I want.

The odds were definitely against me. The only couture I had found in Japan that fit me so far were socks and hats. So you can imagine my surprise when I actually found not one, but two, yes two, pairs of pants that fit me! Wooohooo! Oh, joy of joys! Miracles of miracles! My waistline has actually shrunk to that of a tall and overweight Japanese man!

OK, to be honest, I kinda cheated...it was the at The Gap, but hey, it still counts as a clothing store in Japan, right?

The Gap salesgirl easily fell under the spell of my credit card juju, and gave me two more shirts. What power! Like a mad wizard, I waved my plastic wand and whispered my secret incantation, purchusus immedius, a few more times. When all was said and done I had enchanted a salesgirl at The Body Shop into handing over some fragrance oils for my apartment, and spellbound a clerk at Ciao Panic into giving up another shirt that fit me. It’s so positive, and yet, so non-committal. I completely identified with it.

My powers spent, we headed back to Shizuoka city that evening. On the way back, I couldn’t help but feel as if I had won a small victory; as if my body had shaped itself such that it would finally be acknowledged by this countries textile industry... even after having McDonalds and a whole-milk latte for lunch.