The Speech I Never Gave

Yesterday my school asked me to give a speech about my jr. high memories to the student body during lunch. Rather than list the trite details of the speech I gave, I will list the memories that came first but, due to better judgement, ended up on the cutting room floor. Apparently that judgement doesn't stop me from spilling my secrets to strangers on the internet.

• getting sent to the principal for...well, a lot of reasons.

• wanting to be cool so bad and thinking wearing turtlenecks and sweaters were the way to do it, even in the 37°C Texas fall.

• playing football for a year and hating it.

• telling Scott B. to 'fuck off' for no reason other than that someone had just said that to me and it hurt. I wanted someone else to be hurt too. I still feel bad about that sometimes.

• shooting my art teacher in the butt with a rubber band and then telling her "Sorry, it was an easy target."

• drawing a picture of Jill with a ballooned head because she was making fun of me for being fat. When I showed it to her it had the desired effect of making her cry, but I got in trouble as well.

• having to open my locker in front of my vice principal because they thought I was on drugs. The worst thing he found was Truly Tasteless Jokes: Vol. 2.'

• running away from home (for all of 3 hours) because my mom threatened to sell my Nintendo.

• almost failing PE because I didn’t like to change into my gym clothes.

• tearing up a test in my history teacher's face, storming out of the classroom, slamming the door, then getting tackled by my art teacher.

• getting a girlfriend in 3rd period and breaking up with her after 6th.

• lying to my mom about my bike being stolen from home, only to have my friend come over 2 minutes later and blab the truth about how it had been stolen from school cause I forgot to lock it. Thanks a lot, Brad. Way to watch my back! Blood brothers, indeed.

Well, needless to say, I was a little turd in junior high. I was going through a lot internally, dealing with issues, and really hated it. It could not have been easy to deal with me in those years. Thank goodness I’ve changed...or rather, my attitude has. I’m still a turd, but at least I’m optimistic and upbeat about it now!